B.O. Makes an Ass

Making an ass of myself is nothing new, by any means. Last night was just flat out funny. The bars were dead, it WAS the 4th of July. Who wouldn't go out on the 4th? Whatever, screw them. But the few people who were there were complete losers and ugly girls. I did what I do best, however, and that is get black-out drunk.

Upon receiving a phone call from BigDude to hit the bars, I promptly drank a fifth of the finest Jewel brand vodka they have to offer. I'm feeling pretty good by the time we get there. I start doing more shots and at this bar they give you a can unopened if you order a PBR. That is bad news for them. I quickly bought a few and shotgunned them, fratty style. This place was so dead they kicked everyone out at 1:30 AM. I was drunk, pissed, and had nowhere to go. So I asked for a cigarette (I don't even smoke) and the conversation went a little south.

B.O.: Hey, can I bum a cig?
TrollGirl: Yeah, sure, you need a light too you bum?
B.O.: Bum? When you aren't on the level of my bellybutton standing up, talk to me then.
SoberFriend: Well you aren't very nice!
B.O.: No shit? Did I ever say I was The Pope?

For some reason the drunk one is eating this conversation up, so she starts talking to me and gives me her number etc, etc...She then proceeds to keep asking me what her name is, about four different times. The last thing I remember was talking to this girl for about 10 minutes and we move to talk to BigDude, SoberGirl, and TrollGirl. I remember KT (the girl I was talking to) asking me a question and I replied. I had no idea what I said even till this moment, but the look on their faces were like I told them I had sacrificed a baby earlier in the night.

I need to start bringing recorders.